


This Single World Is Double Till I Die

by lost_spook



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Community: hc_bingo, Episode: s02e22 And Straight On 'Til Morning, F/F, Soul Bond, Trope Subversion/Inversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 18:58:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1658939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/lost_spook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can’t force a happy ending, not even when you live by the logic of fairy tales.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Single World Is Double Till I Die

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the "forced soulbonding" square in Hurt/Comfort bingo. AU from the S2 finale (but with some wild handwaving, and no knowledge of S3 (sadly) and not as shippy as I would have liked it to be.)

**I. Ring for Enquiries**

It wasn’t Regina who went to Mr Gold to ask about it; she left that to Emma. Emma strongly suspected that was only because Regina already knew the answers. And since she wasn’t telling, which didn’t exactly bode well, Emma wanted to know, too, or at least get a second opinion. 

Gold listened to Emma’s attempts to explain what had been happening since she and Regina had stopped the town being destroyed (weird stuff, if you wanted the short version, weirder than usual); then he looked somewhere between enigmatic and amused. 

“I think you’ll find it’s called ‘soul-bonding’, Miss Swan,” he said, and smiled. “An unexpected side-effect of your little efforts the other week.”

Emma glared back. “Soul-bonding? What the hell’s that?”

“I’d have thought it was self-explanatory. You share a soul.” At her blank look, Gold continued: “You feel what she feels, she feels what you feels, you need to stay together, can’t be apart for long. Are we getting the picture?”

Emma decided it was probably time to stop arguing about things that had already happened being impossible. “But there’s a cure, right? I mean, if there is, you’d know about it?”

“A cure?” He gave a sudden laugh. “Not as such, no. Congratulations, dearie. You’ll make a lovely couple.”

The only thing left for Emma to do was to slam the door as hard as possible on the way out.

***

**II. Pragmatism**

“What now?” said Emma, when Regina turned up at the sheriff’s office yet again.

Regina followed her into the room. “Don’t _you_ feel it?” she said. So, she got the worse half of it, just because she was ‘evil’? It was pretty much what she’d suspected, but how was that fair? “I haven’t seen you since yesterday morning.” And it had been starting to get noticeably uncomfortable. For the first time (which, she supposed was an improvement), Regina regretted that killing Emma wouldn’t solve the problem.

“Oh,” said Emma, who had still been holding out on accepting the reality of their situation. “Oh. Great. I thought it was, I don’t know, a rash or something.”

Regina leant back against the wall and would have wished this had happened with anyone else, except she couldn’t think of anyone around here who wouldn’t be even more tiresome. And most of them would have wanted to kill her, as well. “It’s not complicated, Ms Swan. We don’t have two souls any more. We have one. It wants to be whole. If you can’t get that into your thick skull, this is going to get even more painful, fast. For both of us.”

“Oh, God,” said Emma more slowly. 

Well, that, thought Regina darkly, wasn’t flattering. “There are worse fates.”

“You sure about that?” said Emma. “Can’t be many more awkward ones.”

Regina took a deep breath and refrained from imagining terrible things happening to Emma, in case Emma could tell. She wasn’t finding what she’d come to do easy and Emma was only making it harder. Still, she persevered. “In the light of those facts, I thought it might be simpler if you –” She had to fight not to choke on the words, and then steeled herself. As if she hadn’t done far worse things in her life. “You might as well move in with me.”

“I – what?” Emma had a panicked look on her face.

“Move into my _house_ ,” said Regina. “That way we can ensure contact at least once or twice a day. It should keep things manageable – for the moment.”

“What if it makes it worse?” Emma asked. “We spend more time together; this soul-bonding thing gets more demanding –”

Regina shrugged. “That’s going to happen anyway, unless we can find a way to put an end to it. And, believe me, I am _not_ moving into Mary Margaret’s place with the rest of your sainted royal family, so –”

“Point taken,” said Emma, hastily. “I suppose it’ll please Henry.”

“And,” added Regina, calmer now that she’d accomplished her goal, “you’re not to meddle with anything, leave your belongings lying about, and absolutely no attempts at redecoration. I like things the way they are, Ms Swan.”

Emma raised an eyebrow, and then smirked at her. “Regina, isn’t that a bit formal coming from someone who just asked me to move in with them? Call me Emma.”

“Of course,” said Regina, maintaining a smile as hard as she could while wondering what the hell was going to come of this. In the past, when she’d wanted something, she went out and took it, or tried to. Even now that took some unlearning, but what she wanted this time wasn’t anything she could steal. If things didn’t work out – and she didn’t see how they _could_ – it might have been better if Emma had let her die in the first place.

***

**III. Crossing the Line**

“So,” said Emma, who was still not prepared to accept this stupid situation without a fight, “we leave Storybrooke, no magic, the problem’s solved.”

That only won her a glare from Regina. She’d been getting a lot of those lately. (So, no change there at least.) “You think it’d be that simple?”

“We can’t be victims of this soul-bonding thing when there’s no magic, right? And neither of us was cursed. It might buy everyone else some more time to find a solution.”

Regina leant against the office doorway. “And since magic is also maintaining us in this condition, had you considered that one of us might _drop dead_ if we cross that line?”

“Is that likely?”

Regina said, “I would have thought that it being possible was enough of a deterrent. But then I suppose you’d have a fifty-fifty chance of being lucky – is that what you want?”

“No,” said Emma, and meant it more than she’d expected. She was still frustrated, though. She’d have thought that the one good thing about this business would be that Regina would be even more determined than she was to bring it to an end, but instead Regina kept insisting that Gold was right; there wasn’t any cure. As far as Emma was concerned, there was always something you could do, you just had to find it.

Regina gave a slight smile. “But, of course, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Maybe one of us might merely be left wandering around soulless while the other –”

“Okay, okay,” said Emma, holding up her hands. “Only if we’re desperate. I get it.”

“Finally,” said a voice from behind Regina, causing them both to start.

Regina swung around. “Rumple. What are you doing here?”

“You left the door open,” he said. “I merely, ah, followed the sounds of shouting. I can see you’re getting along swimmingly, ladies.”

Emma took a step forward. “Did you want something?”

“Of course,” Mr Gold said. “But this is far more entertaining.”

Emma hesitated for a moment, but then asked, if unwillingly, “What do you think about it? Us leaving Storybrooke?”

“I’d be delighted,” he said. “I don’t think it would be the wisest course of action for either of you, though. Mind what I want to know –” He looked at Regina with a small smile “- is when you’re going to tell her what it is you’re really afraid of.”

“Get lost,” said Regina.

Mr Gold turned away. “I can see this is a bad time. My request can wait. It isn’t something difficult. Whereas what you want, your majesty – I’d say that’s downright impossible.”

Emma saw that whatever he meant, it was a shot that had hit home; she saw Regina’s wince, and stepped forward, between the two of them, even as Gold left.

“Regina?” she said. “What was that about?”

Regina shook her head. “Nothing. He has no idea what he’s talking about.”

“If there’s anything else about this crazy situation I need to know, tell me.” 

Regina leant forward, the two of them head to head again, as ever. “There’s nothing you need to know. That’s the truth.”

“Maybe,” said Emma, not moving away, “but there is something I _don’t_ know, isn’t there?”

Regina only drew back. “You’re not going to listen to Gold, are you? He’s just trying to cause trouble. And don’t you think one of us should go and collect Henry, or had you forgotten?”

“Okay,” said Emma, “I’m going. But don’t think we’ve finished yet.”

“No, of course not,” Regina said. “I’ve noticed by now that you’re a little slow on the uptake. I suppose that’s not your fault, considering.”

It was just as well that Emma was already half way out the door by then, but she swore to herself that she would tie Regina up and drive both of them over that line rather than let this become a permanent arrangement.

***

**IV. This Isn’t One of Those Buddy Cop Movies, It’s A Fairy Tale**

 

“I had other plans for today,” said Regina, getting in the car. “I’m not the sheriff. I don’t see why I should be dragged along every time you have to look for a lost dog.”

Emma kept her eyes on the road. “Yeah, well, I’m not thrilled about taking you with me, either. Anyway, it’s not just a lost dog, there was a robbery as well. Poor old lady sounded in quite the state, said they’d taken everything in her cupboard –”

Regina leant her head back against the car seat. “Did you say cupboard?”

“Yeah. Why, does that mean something?”

Regina glanced at Emma. “Sounds like Mrs Hubbard complaining again. If you’d said before we set off, I could have told you –”

“Oh, God,” said Emma. “Old Mother Hubbard. I am never getting used to this. So who do I look for, Little Jack Horner with a bag of plums? The Knave of Hearts?”

“The dog most likely,” said Regina. “It usually is. Anyway, like I care.”

Emma brought the car to a halt at the nearest parking space. “Look, I’m the one doing you a favour here, can we remember that? You passed out earlier, not me.”

“It won’t happen again,” said Regina, through gritted teeth. She’d said at the start that there were worse fates than this, but there couldn’t be many more humiliating ones. Too many hours without Emma, and she’d collapsed in her office and scared Henry. And whatever else you could say about her, she’d _never_ been the fainting sort.

Emma looked over at her. “Looks like it will, if today’s anything to go by. But why you, and not me? I mean, it hurts sometimes when we’re not together but –”

“Why, thank you.”

“ _But_ I’m not the one falling over if you’re not there. Is something wrong?”

Regina thought about explaining, and couldn’t face it. Besides, it wouldn’t change anything, and she found she minded less than she had at the start. Of course, that in itself was ominous. “My bad luck, I guess.”

“Hey, Regina –” Emma leant over and put her hand on Regina’s arm.

Regina caught her breath; conflicting emotions at war within her, before she forced anger to the forefront, and turned on Emma. “Let go of me!”

“What?” Emma drew back, a startled look on her face, as if she hadn’t even registered what she’d done till then.

Regina pushed open the car door, and got out, steeling herself to hide the unwanted emotion. “I’ll walk from here, thanks.”

“No, wait,” said Emma. “Don’t.”

“I’ll be _fine_! Believe me, I’ve had sufficient of your company for one day.”

Emma cleared her throat. “Yeah, but you know what you said about how it’d get worse? Thing is – I really, _really_ would rather you stayed where I can be sure you’re okay.”

Regina turned back around slowly, and was in time to see Emma’s face and realise by her expression that there was no telling which of them was the more horrified by the admission. That brought a smirk to her face, and she climbed back into the car.

“Well, if you’re going to beg, dear,” she said, “I suppose I’d better oblige.”

***

**V. In Residence**

 

One of the surprisingly difficult things about the situation, Emma found, was remembering that she wasn’t just living with Regina, she was also sharing a house with the Evil Queen.

It hadn’t been at all hard to begin with: Regina had reminded her at every turn. Had Emma been touching her things, or putting her feet up on the sofa without taking her shoes off? Was that her coffee ring on the table? Or she merely made pointed announcements that she’d had her recommended daily dose of Emma already and could she go and exist somewhere else for a while, if ceasing to exist altogether wasn’t an option? And that was only the little things, and, not, say, the moments following them where they argued and Regina had that look on her face that suggested Emma was about to have her heart ripped out, or end her life considerably shorter and greener with a taste for hopping about in ponds. Or possibly, given that Regina _was_ trying these days, a slap round the face. It never happened, but the threat of it remained.

Now, however, whether it was that they’d got used to each other, or it was another side effect of being magically attached, or just that Regina was having one of her patches of trying harder to be a better person (they came and went, and were more confusing than the rest), Emma didn’t know, but she hadn’t been arbitrarily ordered to leave the house for at least a week, and there were more and more times when the three of them – Emma, Regina, and Henry – even had fun together. That was probably scarier than anything else, though she might not have noticed it so much herself if it hadn’t been for her regular coffee dates with her mother, who never failed to point out to her that whatever was going on, she couldn’t _trust_ Regina, not yet anyway.

Frowning over the problem didn’t make for a good combination with trying to prepare dinner, and Emma cut her introspections short with an attempt at slicing through her finger instead of the onion. She bit back a yell and looked around for something to stop the bleeding, when Regina arrived beside her.

“Can’t you be more careful?” she said, passing Emma a wad of tissue. “That hurt.”

Emma wrapped the tissue round her finger, and took back everything she’d been thinking. “Yeah, right, Regina, I stabbed myself to annoy you. Obviously.”

“This is ridiculous,” said Regina, and moved towards Emma, who took a wary step back. “No, let me look.”

Emma let Regina take her hand, and Regina examined it, before making a movement with her free hand – and the injury had gone. There was, too, and even Emma was noticing it now, a relief in being so close to each other. She felt a small pang when Regina smiled and let go of her hand.

“Thought you weren’t supposed to be doing that sort of thing,” Emma said, wary but not ungrateful.

Regina looked up. “True, but there are limits. Otherwise we’d both have been suffering for the next few days. Not exactly convenient, wouldn’t you agree? And can you imagine how we’d look?” Then Regina leant back against the fridge, and actually laughed – properly, out of amusement, not malice – and Emma couldn’t help joining in.

This was, Emma thought again, definitely the scariest thing of all.

***

**VI. Happy Endings Don’t Come Easy (And Some Days They Don’t Come At All)**

 

Regina took one look in the mirror, and flung the jar of face-cream at it, but it was half-hearted and it didn’t alter the fact that she looked as grey as she felt. When she turned on her heels to march away in disgust, the room turned with her.

She drew in her breath sharply and closed her eyes, holding still for a moment, before she made it back across to the bad, and sat down, leaning forward. So, this was it, she thought. Today was the day. Finally.

Regina lay down and waited. There wasn’t exactly an alternative, and she could at least fade away with some dignity, rather than winding up sprawled on the floor somewhere. It shouldn’t be too painful, although it’d be easier if Emma were here. Of course, which of those options was worse, pain or the presence of Emma, depended on your point of view. Regina ignored the fact that she didn’t know which she inclined to any more.

She was glad, she told herself, staring upwards at the ceiling. She was glad it was over; she was glad it was over like this. It was only what she’d expected, it was only how it was meant to be, and she was _glad_.

Pain struck again, and she closed her eyes and counted down in her head. _Come on, get it done with. What’s taking so long?_

Emma burst in, causing her to start and open her eyes. “Regina.”

The pain lessened instantly at Emma’s arrival, and Regina couldn’t be sorry to see her. Well, that, Regina thought in back-to-front triumph, would soon be finished, too.

“What is it?” Emma made it over to the bed. “I felt – I don’t know what I felt, but it was bad –”

Regina forced a smile. “Oh, no. Not bad, not for you. It’s your lucky day.”

“I don’t understand,” said Emma. “Look, something’s wrong, and I know it’s to do with what’s happened to us. If you don’t explain right now, I’m going for help – Gold, Whale, I don’t care who!”

Regina grabbed at Emma’s arm. “Don’t you _dare_ ,” she said, and the words came harder than she’d expected. She had to pause for breath. “It’s only what’s been happening all along.” She wrinkled her forehead with the effort. “How can you not understand?”

“I’m still new to all this,” said Emma. “I get that something is happening to you. The rest, no. I don’t see how any of this is even possible, but what I don’t get is why it’s worse for you than for me.”

Regina managed a laugh. “One soul, two people. It’s not the sort of thing that ever goes well. Somebody has to lose, both sometimes.” She would like not to have to say it, but there wasn’t any room for pretence at the end, and she didn’t have the strength left for it, either. “Good vanquishes evil. Darkness can’t stay where there’s light.”

“But that’s just –” Emma stopped, and then tried again: “It’s not like I’m perfect, and you’re –”

“It’s how it works.” And she _was_ , even if she wanted to change that. She was always also the evil queen, and never only Regina. This had inadvertently wiped away the darkness in her heart, but it was only a side-effect of magic that was also robbing her of her life. 

Emma crouched down at the side of the bed. “Look, if it’s that bad, how about we try leaving town? I said not unless we’re desperate – seems we are –”

“No,” said Regina. “We still don’t know what that will do. Better this way. Better me than you. Isn’t that obvious?” There was a measure of spite in the words, but what she was doing stole its bite. 

Emma raised an eyebrow; apparently that still surprised her. “No, Regina –”

“Do you _want_ me to fight?” said Regina, losing patience. She used every ounce of strength she had left, sitting up and reclaiming her anger, and then she tried, as a demonstration. Emma started in shock and doubled up at the pain.

Regina lay back again, ceasing her efforts. “See? It’d only hurt both of us, and it won’t do any good. Besides, I promised Henry –”

“Is there anything I can do?” Emma asked, ceasing to argue and sounding serious.

Regina even now didn’t want to ask her to stay, or to move closer – it still lessened what little pain there was now – so she merely gave the slightest grimace, and closed her eyes, but Emma didn’t need telling. She sat beside Regina on the edge of the bed, and cautiously took her hand. Regina didn’t hide her reaction to the gesture; that it nearly undid her. Emma must know, anyway. 

“Better this way,” said Regina again, and forced a smile before she gave in and waited for the end. She hadn’t wanted this at the start, had been angry and afraid at the prospect, but now she was almost grateful. Maybe that was merely this exhaustion, but none of it made much difference. _Let me die as Regina_ , she’d said before, and now she could still do that. The only other thing she could do was fight hard enough to hurt Emma, maybe even take her with her but, whatever the reason – soul bonding or her better nature – she had no wish to do that now.

It wasn’t all that bad, either. Now that Emma was here, it wasn’t painful, just a kind of drifting away. She could choose to go with that, even if there was still a strong undercurrent of fear at the idea, unwillingness to leave or to lose; she could choose to go.

Emma moved beside her, and leant down towards Regina, who could feel her sorrow, even if that was too much to comprehend, and kissed her in wordless farewell; an acknowledgement of the connection between them. 

Regina opened her eyes, startled, with time for a panicked, incoherent denial - she didn’t _want_ to be saved – painful hope – but there was no way it would work – before the magical shockwave went through them both, spreading out through the room. A bunch of flowers that were beginning to wilt sprung back to life in response. No matter the context, the two of them were always an explosive combination. 

Regina felt it: she was back to her old self. The suddenly unfamiliar weight of the blackness in her heart was keeping her pinned down where she was. It was suddenly almost unbearable, and she made herself sit up and pushed Emma away with all of the strength that had returned to her.

“Oh, God,” said Emma, sounding more panicked by the result than annoyed by Regina’s ungracious reaction. “Did we –?”

Regina got to her feet, not about to remain in a position of weakness. She clenched her hand into a fist so as not to touch her face where Emma had kissed her; shaken, but fighting not to show it. “Evidently. But don’t worry – it was merely the result of the situation. Nothing more.”

“You knew,” said Emma slowly, lifting her head to look at Regina. “You knew this was the solution. And that was why you wanted me staying here in the first place? You couldn’t have said?”

Regina held Emma’s gaze, still carefully maintaining her composure. “No. As I said at the time, there wasn’t any other option. And you think _telling_ you that would have helped?”

“No,” said Emma, who seemed to be finally beginning to understand. She still sounded almost afraid, though. “No. Okay, I see that. But you – did you do something?”

Regina willed her to shut up, but that didn’t work without actual use of magic. She glared instead. “It wouldn’t have worked if I had. Besides -” She leant back against the wall, almost in defeat. “I didn’t ask you to do anything. I didn’t _want_ you to.”

“Look,” Emma said, taking a deep breath, “this is all a bit strange – again – and maybe we need to –”

Regina moved forward again, finding refuge in anger. She was herself again, and she wasn’t going to let this nonsense go on any longer. “ _No_. All that’s left now is for you to get out of my house!”

“What?” Emma gave her a startled, blank look.

“You don’t have any reason to be hanging around here now this is over, do you? So, take your things and go.”

“Me and Henry?” said Emma. “Sure. God, you don’t think I wanted to be here, do you?”

There wasn’t any way to protest, so Regina merely held her position, and nodded, unsure she could trust herself to speak. She had the sudden feeling she’d been on the verge of a perfect if twisted solution, and thrown it away.

“Look,” said Emma, turning at the door. “I don’t believe in all that stuff. Oh, I don’t mean magic. I get that. But all that about good and evil? Life’s not like that. And maybe, I don’t know – we both love Henry. Maybe that was somewhere to start from. That’s all.”

“Yes,” said Regina. She still didn’t move, but she managed a slight, bitter smile. “I expect so. And I suppose I should say –” Again, it was hard to make the words come, but she forced herself. “Thank you.”

*** 


End file.
